I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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