If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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