VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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