we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
