I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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