Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
