did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize