apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
