JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
