she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
