My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
