I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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