She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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