I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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