did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
you never un-have a 4some
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
