So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
