these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
