Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
