whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
