We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
