Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
