Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
