I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
