he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
