so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
