So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We are all done wearing pants today
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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