remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
