I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Small penises have feelings too.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize