whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
