To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
