He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
pop tarts are not kleenex
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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