your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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