I got chris browned last night
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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