the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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