When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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