Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
