happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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