Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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