East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
