so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
