the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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