Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
