so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
