The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
