I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
