she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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