I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
where am i from again
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He? As in you personified your dick?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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