this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
