I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Couch. On fire.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
