Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
