Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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