I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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