so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
