I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
