ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
