I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
