Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
