No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
