Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
