you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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