yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
