The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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