if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
