i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
