I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
